Résumé Adventure #7: I'm Not Scared of You, Gordon Ramsay Restaurant!

For today's Résumé Adventure, I am applying for a job as a Gordon Ramsay bar-wench at The Grove. For those Résumé Adventurers that don't know who Mister Ramsay is, um, he is basically this guy that has a bunch on Michelin Stars and a bunch of reality cooking shows where he is really mean to his employees. Not always, of course, but you know, enough for him to earn some street cred for being a meanie. If you don't know what the Grove is, just picture the fake old-timey town at Disneyland and then take away all of the fun rides and replace it with boring and expensive retail shops. The Ramimator's temper doesn't scare me one bit because there is a unicorn-mounted posse of seventh graders up in Altadena that got my back no matter what, so I think I will probably get this job just for being so brave. You can see the original job post on Craigslist, or you can read the excerpted text below. Always the stickler for accuracy, I have included the recruiter's original typos. You can view the résumé that I sent to the Rams-aurant on Moonbow's Résumé Page. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it because I don't have health insurance in the event that I get chef-whipped.

Flambé-style street fighting skillz (photo by geezaweezer via Flickr). 

The Job Posting 

"Bartenders for new Gordon Ramsay Restaurant (The Grove)

Date: 2012-05-21, 9:15AM PDT

Location: The Grove

Compensation: Compensation is dependent on experience.

New restaurant at The Grove by Gordon Ramsay and Andi Van Willigan is looking for a fantastic bartending team! This new high-volume concept will present elevated California comfort cuisine with a British flair. You will be making delicious cocktails made from fresh, local ingredients. You must be experienced in full-service, high-volume restaurants and have a true passion for hospitality and great service.

A track record of success is a must!"

My Cover Letter

Hey RamVaniGan Grove-aurant Recruiter,

Hey, whazz up? I was trolling around Craigslist, just cruising the job section and I saw your bartending  post. It was at this moment that an imaginary light bulb turned on near my forehead because I know that not many people will be applying for this job which means that OMG OMG OMG my chances of getting an interview for the position are quite high. Statistically speaking, those STATS RULE! 

First off, I'm gonna say please pass this message on to your boss: Yo, G-Ram! You get mad props for opening up a business and hiring employees because we seriously need more jobs in Los Angeles. The job market here just effing sucks so effing bad. Like srsly, it does. You should totally give yourself a high-five for that. HIGH FIVE!!!!! The part where you are all like talking about how the restaurant is going to be like new and high-volume and concept and like elevated California comfort and like cuisine and like British Flair-ized is truly like just going to Santa Monica (crazy, I know) which is really smart because a lot of peeps totally love Santa Monica but like nobody has the time to go all the way over there to get their SM on. Going to your Ram-man pub thing in the Grove would be like having a lil' mini Santa Monica vacation! SOOOO AWESOME!

Second off, I am going to address the reason that you will not be getting a high response rate for this job posting: The Ramster has some seriously bass-ass, mo-fo street cred. Everybody in the Internet knows that Ramsay will cut a bitch if he needs to. He would be all like "Hey, I don't like you. I'm famous which means I have a license to treat you like crap. I'm about to get Sweeny Todd on your ass." Then PARING KNIFE SLASH! KICK! SLAP! FORK STAB! FIGGY PUDDING TO THE FACE! DOUSE WITH ALCOHOL AND PROCEED TO FLAMBÉ! Yeah, just like that. Potential candidates are definitely gonna be worried that the Gordon-a-tron might hurt them because he's got that mean streak reputation that he self-justifies with his fame. But you know what? I am not afraid of the Ram-A-Lam-A-Ding-Dong. Nope. Not me. I have ninja skillz. And street fighting skillz. And I got my head reinforced with steel just in case zombies try to eat my brains, but a cool perk of that surgery is that my reinforced brain-case means that it is imposssible for grouchy chefs to give me concussions. I never heard of Andi Van Willigan, but I'm gonna take an educated guess that she is like a henchwoman and stuff. That is totally aweome. Henchwomen rock! GRRRL POWRRR!

Yeah, so I am the ultimate-mega-best job candidate for your position because I am not scared of the Gor-Force. I don't have any bartending skillz, but since I have never had to attend any court-mandated alcohol-related 12-step programs, I should be fine. I won't sneak any sips of fancy liquors from you. Granted the tacky throngs of nouveau riche women that don't have any thing better to do with their time than shop at the prefabricated wonder-mound of bland shopping that is the Grove, um, yeah, they scare the Bee Gees out of me. But no worries! Over time I will develop the appropriate stealth combat skillz to defeat them if they challenge me to a duel. It will be like on-the-job training.

I have attached my résumé to this email for your admiration. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. Hahahahahahahaha...LOL, I just rhymed. Admiration...consideration...get it? Haha. Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you! 

Yours in the Ram-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am,

Moonbow Rollings

Résumé Adventure #5: MTV Reality Show Opportunity of a Lifetime

For Résumé Adventure #5, I'm going to try my luck with the most prestigious of all employers, MTV. More formally known amongst the academic set as Music Television, this audio-visual wonder of pubescent anti-smarts is offering a no pay "opportunity of a lifetime." You can view the original job posting from Craigslist or just read the copied text below. I stayed true to the recruiter's youthful use of excessive quotation marks and care-free lack of proper punctuation. I sent my low-concept résumé on to MTV on to the recruiter, but you can view it on Moonbow's Résumé Page. My cover letter is below.

Welcome to Torrance, CA (photo by HectorF via Flickr).

The Job Posting

"MTV reality show casting (torrance,ca)

Date: 2012-05-17, 12:27PM PDT

Location: torrance,ca

Compensation: no pay

Are you funnier than the "situation?" Do you have more gusto than "J Wow?" Do friends and family members constantly tell you that you should have your own show? This could be the opportunity of a lifetime for you. We are seeking people between the ages of 18-25 from the tri-state area that have what it takes to be a reality star. 

For open casting details, please submit your name, contact details and recent photo and a brief description about why you can be the next reality star to"

My Cover Letter

Dear Opportunity of a Lifetime Recruiter,

I would LOVE so freaking HARD to be on an MTV reality show because I would love to be famous for like doing stuff on TV or whatever. You know? I am six years too old, but it isn't like cool to be an age discriminator and you guys shouldn't do that. You would think that my 31 years of maturity would have left me with the common sense to know that MTV is the cultural equivalent of stepping in still-warm body temperature dog poop on a sidewalk, but no, I have not developed that sense yet. I am still awesome and youthful and sexy. Plus I can buy beer for the under-age cast members. You didn't mention it in the job description, but I TOTALLY ROCK at making duck lips. I am a duck lip expert that knows that duck lips are what all of the cool kids are into these days. Actually, I practice making them for hours each day just like the girls on Jersey Shore.

I am definitely funnier than "the situation." And I am waaaay funnier than the situations that MTV contrives for the sake of fake drama. Hahahahaha! I just made a rhyme. Double unicorn LOLz! Anyway, I know I would be funnier than the contrived situations that are on reality shows because they are not funny at all. Well, actually, they are funny in a sad, laughing-at-the-expense-of-pathetically-shameless people kind of way, but not funny as a comedic sort of way. I am sure you know what I mean because this cover letter has already made us simpatico now. Two minds in one cover letter, two souls in one résumé. Two and me baby, all the way.

I am awesome and perfect for your show because I would excel at sitting in a small room to recite scripted dialog that is supposed to look like really emotional real stuff even though it is not because my great grandmother used to lock me in small closets as punishment for not fetching her cigarettes fast enough, like all the time when I was a child, and when I was trapped in the closet I would make up stories about tender-hearted Conestoga wagon pioneers in the style of Her Most Luminous Majesty, Vanna White, which is basically the same premise as reality shows.

I don't really have any friends or family, but I do have lots of cats and they DEFINITELY AGREE that I should have my own show. I know that you are not going to offer me any compensation for any hard work or talent that I bring to your reality show, but since it is a FrEaKInG OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME and because it is in OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG that beacon of high art and culture, TORRANCE, CA...I am down with not getting paid. I know that even that even though MTV is a multi-million dollar pop-culture venture and an industry leader, that not compensating people is just how MTV rolls. Booooyah! 

Thank-you so much for your time and consideration! I have attached my résumé and my semi-professional (minus the professional part) head shot to this email. I look forward to making fake stuff look real, but not really with you!

Yours in Cheap Broadcasting Options,

Moonbow Rollings

PS. Did you know that I am also a reality TV show expert? Well, it is true. I am! I can name tons of reality shows like Gene Simmons Family Jewels, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Jersey Shore, Nick and Jessica, Survivor, Tommy Lee Goes to College, The Surreal Life, Big Brother, The Simple Life, Road Rules, The Apprentice, Celebrity Apprentice, Top Chef, America's Top Model, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Toddlers in Tiaras, American Idol, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of Orange County, Real Housewives of New York, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Miami, Real Housewives of DC, Real Housewives of Israel, Real Housewives of Vancouver, The Real World: New York, The Real World: Back to New York, The Real World: Los Angeles, The Real World: London, The Real World: San Francisco, The Real World: Miami, The Real World: Boston, The Real World: Seattle, The Real World: Hawaii, The Real World: New Orleans, The Real World: Chicago, The Real World: Paris, The Real World: Las Vegas, The Real World: San Diego, The Real World: Austin, The Real World: Philadelphia, The Real World: Key West, The Real World: Sydney, The Real World: Denver, The Real World: Hollywood, The Real World: Brooklyn, The Real World: Cancun, The Real World: Washington, DC, The Real World: Saint Thomas, and Live! With Regis and Kelly. 

This One Goes Out to the Technorati That I Love

Unless you are Technorati, just ignore this one folks.

J8FCVM9VMQJR

Tweet, Twitter, Facey-Face-Facebook

I, Moonbow Rollings, the patron saint of résumés, unemployment, cover letters, and minimum wage jobs have joined the hoards on Twitter, Facebook, and Networked Blogs. I don't know how I'm supposed to chow down on cheese-flavored (but not actually cheese-containing) snack foods while updating these accounts, but I do believe in miracles and shall prevail.

Résumé Adventure #4: Raising Money for the Apocalypse

You know those annoying, collegiate-aged throngs of matching t-shirt clad, clipboard-waving kids that harass people to give them money and credit card information for charitable causes in front of the grocery store and other public places? Yeah...you do. Of course you do. We all do. Well, for Résumé Adventure #4, I am going to apply to be one of those folks, a street canvasser. I found a street canvasser job posting on Craigslist and you can view the original job posting or read the excerpted text below. I have honored the recruiter's typos and dramatic use of bold text, but omitted her last name to protect her privacy. You can view my resumé on Moonbow's Résumé Page.

This is what the Apocalypse will probably look like. Photo by mikelehen via Flickr.

The Job Posting

"FT/PT work for The US Association for the UN Refugee Agency! (Central L.A.)

Date: 2012-05-15, 10:00AM PDT

Location: Central L.A.

Compensation: Solid base pay and competitive bonuses - health benefits, 401K and paid time off

Join the Emergency Response Team- US Association for UN Refugee Agency

What is the most preternatural disaster?

In most recent history we had the earthquake on the island of Sumatra in 2010 leaving more than 1,000 people dead and several thousand more trapped underneath the rubble.

In 2008, the people of Myanmar were victims of Cyclone Nargis that killed 78,000 people and the same month the earthquake in Western China killed 67,000.

In January of 2010, the Haitian people suffered a severe earthquake in a country that already has so many challenges killing 22,000.

To sum it up, in 2010, 260,000 people died worldwide from natural disasters up from 15,000 in 2009. There are endless examples of things that happen for which there is nothing we can do. The storm hits, the damage is done and often this happens in the matter of hours before resources can be mobilized and NGO's, like UNHCR's Emergency Response Team, are rushing in to handle the emergency humanitarian crisis that was created by these natural disasters. This is the best, more reasonable response to these types of disasters. 

Now we get the question, what is the most preternatural disaster?

There are situations in the world today which we know about. We have been forewarned. We have time to act. We have the opportunity to raise funds, but sometimes, we do nothing. That is the biggest disaster of all. Most people want to help, but they do not know how. Start Today!

For these very same types of disasters above, we raise funds. For the people in Eastern Africa, we raise funds. For the 12 million stateless people around the world, we raise funds. For the war-torn people in Darfur, we raise funds. For the family in Iraq, we raise funds.

The US Association for the UN Refugee Agency is now hiring for our brand new fundraising teams in the Los Angeles Area. We are hiring Fundraisers and Team Leaders all with hourly wages or salaries, bonuses, family heath benefits, 401K, and PTO. We are hitting the streets hard in 2012 with out residential canvassing teams and our street teams. BE THE FIRST to apply.

So, the most Preternatural Disaster of all is doing NOTHING at all. Be the CHANGE! Apply today. 

Please send all resumes - Attention: Angela ---- "

My Cover Letter

Dear Angela,

Your job post sounds so grave! I guess the world was a big mess between 2008 and 2010. I am not sure why you don't use recent 2012 death toll statistics, but that does not matter to me because I know the biggest preternatural event ever -- THE APOCALYPSE -- is coming. It is true. I saw a documentary about the Mayan Calendar and how the world is going to end in 2012 because the calendar is going to end in 2012. We really, really need to prepare for the worst by raising funds. We here in the United States will probably be spared too much END-OF-THE-WORLD hardship, but industrializing countries will definitely be hard hit by God's wrath. It just isn't fair to ignore poorer countries even during the inevitable END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. I really like that your organization rushes in to help after a natural disaster strikes because rushing in before an unseen event would just be a waste of money. That is a mantra that I can definitely support and I would love to be a part of your fundraising street team. 

I do not have any experience in fundraising, but I have encountered tons of college age kids trying to get me to give them my credit card information outside of Trader Joe and Whole Foods. I never give those fundraisers the time of day, I despise them, and I really hate that I can't just take care of my shopping without being harassed. When fundraiser canvassers come to my door asking for money, I usually just crouch down low by the front door and bark and growl like I am a vicious guard dog until they leave. That said, I KNOW HOW THE AVERAGE ANTI-CANVASSER PERSON THINKS! I will certainly be able to use this knowledge to my advantage to make your organization and myself lots of money. For example, it doesn't matter how friendly the canvasser seems, I won't give them money. Their false offering of friendship just makes me distrust them. So what I would do is be really blunt with potential donors. I would be like "Hey, you! If you don't give us some money for people in Africa who might get KILLED IN AN EARTHQUAKE, I'm going to tell everybody that you hate poor people." That shaming will definitely do the trick. It is sort of like reverse psychology and stuff, you know?

I have attached my résumé to this email for you to ponder. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you!

Yours in APOCALYPTIC FEAR, 

Moonbow Rollings

Update on Résumé Adventure #3: Hot Hostess Needed for Millionaire's Luau

Within an hour of sending my cover letter, photo, and résumé to the recruiter from Résumé Adventure #3: Hot Hostess Needed for Millionaire's Luau, I got a response. It was indeed disappointing. I did not get the job. Oh well, better luck next time, right? The recruiter seems to have confused me with someone else! And they have threatened to report me to the authorities, although, to my knowledge, sending someone a cover letter that they do not like is not a crime. They also state that they know who I am for some reason as though my identity were a great mystery, but duh, I am Moonbow. I clearly state who I am in the cover letter signature. You can check out the recruiter's response below:

The Recruiter's Response

"We know who you are and we have already warned you once. Stop sending these emails and get professional help or we will be forced to report you to the authorities."

So um, the PB Millionaire misogynists objectify women for profit and THEY have a problem with ME. Hahahaha! Hilarious.

Résumé Adventure #3: Hot Hostess Needed for Millionaire's Luau

Despite decades of Cheeto and Flamin' Cheeto feasting, I am still a hottie. For Résumé Adventure #3, I am putting my good looks to the test and applying for a job as luau eye-candy at a millionaire's party. I found the original job posting on Craigslist, but I have put the text in this post too. You can see my sexy résumé on Moonbow's Résumé Page. My cover letter to the luau recruiter is below. If you decide to go ahead and watch that ridiculous video, you do so at your own risk to your sense of taste and sensibility. Moonbow's Résumé Adventure assumes no responsibility to the affront to your eyes that PB Castle will surely cause.

Jello shots, by UCFFool via Flickr.

The Job Post

"Hot Hostesses Needed for Millionaire's Luau (Los Angeles)

Date: 2012-05-13, 9:17AM PDT

Location: Los Angeles

Compensation: $100

We are now hiring hostesses for the upcoming PB Millionaire's Luau party at the famous PB Castle! It will be held Saturday, June 16th, from 4 to 11PM. We are looking for friendly, outgoing people with good, positive energy. You will be greeting guests, serving jello shots, and just looking good for the cameras as this is also part of a reality show. You will also be wearing festive luau themed attire. The pay is $100. Email us a photo and your contact info.

Become our friend on facebook for more details: http://www.facebook.com./pbreality

To see what our parties are all about, click to play our video:"

My Cover Letter

Dear Luau Reality Show Recruiter, 

I am interested in your luau eye-candy position. I know that you really just want an emailed photo to see that I am indeed a hottie, but I thought that sending you a professional cover letter might increase my chances and set me apart from the anti-Mensa crowd that normally engages your attention. I see that even though the position is in the San Diego metro area, you have posted the job in the Los Angeles section of Craigslist. I guess you ran out of women with hot bodies down there. Or maybe you just don't have any pretty ones left because the women on your show clearly need some fancy makeup to pass. If that is the case, shame on you, because people can't help if their faces negatively reflect the ugly, cruel person that they are on the inside like walking Dorian Gray paintings with less than stellar faces. They shouldn't be judged for that! Or maybe you do have pretty and fit women down in San Diego, but you just can't seem to find one that is really good at pretending to be a mildly developmentally delayed modern-harem 'ho', televised pimp stable pony, popular culture reality show programming media skankatron. Well, if that is what you are looking for...I AM THE SKANKATRON FOR YOU! 

While I do not have experience attending parties or working in pre-fab mini castles, I can definitely fake it until I make it for the PB Millionaire. A little bit about me: I am five and a half feet tall. I weigh 150 booty-licious pounds. I wear a size 12. I am a natural beauty that does not need to brush her hair or her teeth to know that she is gorgeous. I wear old eye glasses that I found on a bus stop bench because it is just cheaper to wear found items rather than go to an optometrist. They are not my actual prescription, but whatever, they hide some of my wrinkles and adult acne for the camera.   

I do not drink alcohol, but I often have terrible allergies from my pride of house cats that require me to take shots of alcohol-laden Ny-Quil from that little measured plastic cup that comes with the bottle. I believe that my experience with alcohol containing, bright green medications from shot-sized vessels will carry over nicely in a generalized sort of way to jello shots. Also I am experienced at wearing costumes, oops, excuse me, I mean "luau themed attire." 

Furthermore, for this glorious, life-affirming chance to be on a reality show, I am willing to accept your minimum wage payment even though the PB Millionaire could clearly afford to pay me more because he is a millionaire with a freaking castle. I think that the travel expenses down to San Diego will probably eat up all of the minimum wages that you are offering, so I was wondering if you have a travel stipend because a travel stipend would be totally awesome and stuff. 

Anyway, I have attached my résumé and photo to this email. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you! Woooooooooooo! Yeaaaaaaaaaaah! 

Stay Classy,

Moonbow Rollings

Update on Résumé Adventure #2: $8 Receptionist

The recruiter from Résumé Adventure #2: $8 Receptionist responded to me, Moonbow, by email! Here is what he said:

The Recruiter's Response

"10/10 troll. Made my day. Thanks :)"


So, um, I guess that means I didn't get the job. Bummer. Double unicorn-bummer.

Résumé Adventure #2: $8 Receptionist

I found a job posting on Craigslist for an $8 an hour receptionist position. Sounds pretty scrumptious! See below for the job posting text and my cover letter (I kept the recruiter's grammar errors in tact). Check out Moonbow's Résumé Page for my technicolor-hued résumé. I really hope I get this receptionist job. Wish me, Moonbow, lots of luck!

Photo by Renato Ganoza via Flickr.

The Job Post

"Receptionist Position Abvailable - INTERVIEWING TOMORROW (Hollywood)

Date: 2012-05-14, 9:44AM PDT

Location: Hollywood

Compensation: Starting pay is $8/ hour

We are a local office located in Hollywood looking to fill a full time and part time receptionist position.

The job involves answering incoming phone lines and scheduling applicants for interviews. We are looking for someone who gives an excellent first impression. Friendliness a must! The qualified applicant must also be 100% reliable and looks to go above and beyond the bare minimum. We require someone who has the proper demeanor and appearance for a business setting. Lastly, experience on the phone and with a computer is not necessary but a plus.

Our receptionist can take or make anywhere between 50 and 100 phone calls in a day and must be able to handle the multiple phone lines with patience and composure. There is also administrative work involved. 

Please submit resume via email and follow up with a phone call to (323) 203 1108 and leave a message stating your name and phone number."

My Cover Letter 

Dear Receptionist Seeker,

I am most interested in the receptionist position that you posted on craigslist. Phones have been a part of my life since the early 80s and I am quite skilled at dialing, answering, speaking into the receiver, and responding to ringing sounds that indicate that someone is trying to make contact. Your job posting states that you don't care about experience, just so long as the applicant is a hottie...well, let me tell you, I am quite a looker. I am also skilled at sitting at desks, being friendly, using computers, and using post-it notes to take hard-copy messages. I have to confess that I am not 100% reliable...I AM 156% RELIABLE. Hahahahahahaha...I got you there!!! You probably totally thought I was going to say that I am less than 100% reliable, but I didn't, lol! 

I realize that you want to get a really good, high quality employee to fill your receptionist position, and at a whooping $8 an hour, and I am sure you are going to get tons of candidates willing to go "above and beyond the bare minimum" (to use your eloquent qualifier) even though you are not willing to pay a wage that is even remotely above the bare minimum required by the law. But please, when you are culling through all those emailed résumés, please keep me, Moonbow Rollings, in mind because as you can see from the photo on my résumé, I am indeed a business setting kind of gal. I have attached my résumé to this email for you to peruse. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you!

Yours in Post-It Notes,

Moonbow Rollings

Résumé Adventure #1: Casting for Prenatal Workout Video

Today I applied for a job on Craigslist as a prenatal workout video starlet. See below for the job posting text and my response. See Moonbow's Résumé Page to have a look-see at my Pulitzer-worthy résumé. I stayed true to the original job posting's typos and errors be copying them here. I hope I get the prenatal workout video girl job. Wish me luck!

Photo by one tiny spark via Flickr.

The Job Post

"Casting for PreNatal Workout Video (Los Angeles)
Date: 2012-05-14, 9:15AM PDT
Location: Los Angeles
Compensation: Pay for rehearsal and on-camera time.

Fitvid Productions LLC is looking for women who in this upcoming month of June will be in their 5th to 8th month of pregnancy ( 2nd to 3rd trimester) to participate in a workout dvd production. Dancers, athletes, personal trainers, fitness models, and women who exercise regularly are especially welcomed. Please, email your full body photo plus a professional resume or typewritten bio/profile to our company at fitprodcasting@aol.com. Production is being held in the Los Angeles area the week of June 11th. Non Union. Cast is paid for rehearsal and non-camera time. No nudity. No spoken role. Talent invited to audition must bring documentation of good health and have written physician's clearance. Fitvid Productions LLC. Cal Pozo, Producer/Director."

My Cover Letter

Dear Fitvid Prenatal Video Recruiter,

Okay, so here's the deal. I REALLY want to be in your prenatal workout video, but, at the moment, I'm not preggers. I mean, I love babies, but I don't want to let one live off of my bodily juices until it comes to fruition in my belly like in Alien, but that is another story for another cover letter, lol! Anyway, what I don't have in the way of the almighty baby bump, I definitely make up for with my gut. Call it a faux-fetus, if you will. Perhaps you could say that I am pregnant with chips and pizza. And tacos. Yes, I am pregnant with those items, not a baby. I don't have a "bun in the oven." I have it in my stomach. And it isn't actually a bun, it is a donut. My little immaculate-conception-by-snacks pot belly baby is often mistaken by strangers on the subway that offer me their seats, ask me when I'm due, and congratulate me on my soon-to-be-motherhood. So if my tummy can be mistaken by those seat-hungry folks that just want to rest their feet for a bit, then I am sure it will show up well on camera. Actually, my torso protuberance looks quite pronounced in spandex, which is sure to be a boon for a workout video. I am kinda surprised that you want to make a video considering that nobody uses VCRs anymore, but whatever, I'm just going to assume that you meant DVD. Also, since you don't know how to properly capitalize the letters of "prenatal," I am more than willing to work outside of the workout video starlet job description and help you fix that minor editing problem. I have attached my résumé and photo for your perusal. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Yours in Sweaty Spandex,

Moonbow Rollings