Friday, June 1, 2012

Résumé Adventure #14: Babysitting French Teenagers for $7 a Day!

For Résumé Adventure #14, I applied for a job with a SERIOUS PAYLOAD: A babysitting gig that pays $7 A DAY. Wow. That is soooo much money. You better not try to steal this gig from me or I won't share my résumé adventures with you any more. I have copied the job posting content including the author's typos below, but you can find the original job post on Craiglist. My cover letter follows. You can view my résumé on Moonbow's Résumé Page. Wish me luck! I think I have an SUPER OMG LOL MOST EXCELLENT CHANCE of landing this job!

Windsurfing is totally obscene (photo by Bob n Renee via Flickr).

The Job Posting

"Please Help $$ Host a French Teen $$ (SoCal)
Date: 2012-06-01, 10:42AM PDT
Location: SoCal
Compensation: $150-$200 (depending on length of stay (3 or 4 weeks)

HELP!!! I have only 5 more teens from France flying on to the San Diego airport (SAN) throughout the summer for 3-4 weeks. They deserpately need host families. If you have more than one person living in the home, have an extra bed and are willing to open our heart and home to one of the students below, PLEASE contact me. You must pass a background check. WE DO COMPENSATE OUR HOST FAMILIES $50/week. The students come with their own money for activities and souvenirs.

You can contact me directly or respond to this posting!

Felix is 17 and he will arrive July 6 and depart August 2 ($200 stipend). He enjoys water sports, tennis, bicycling, movies, and swimming. He also plays the clarinet. He says 'I want to know more about American way of life and the California Culture.'

Jean-Charles is 16 and he will arrive July 8 and depart July 29 ($150 stipend). He enjoys tennis, golf, running, camping, cooking, shopping, climbing and windsurfing. He says, 'I love the USA to meet peoples and to discover a new country.'

Romain is 14 and he will arrive July 10 and depart July 31 ($150 stipend). He enjoys sailing, water sports, bicycling, computers, videogames, movies, swimming and plays chess. He says 'I like the way of thinking in the West Coast.'

Louis is 16 and he will arrive July 11 and depart August 1 ($150 stipend). He enjoys basketball, tennis, swimming, water sports, movies, reading and music. He says 'I'm an easy person, open minded and curious.'

Diane is 16 and will arrive July 23 and depart August 20 ($200 stipend). She enjoys bicycling, horseback riding, dancing, movies, reading, music, museums and she plays the violin. She says, 'I want to discover a new country and meet new people.' "

My Cover Letter,

Dear International Liaison,

I am responding your Craigslist job post. I am interested in helping you out of your desperate situation. Your circumstances with these French kids must be positively dire for you to digitally declare "HELP!!!" I mean God only knows what will happen if you don't find practically free vacation residences for these five teenagers. The poor dears certainly deserve a free stay in America...being European is just so hard. Maybe they are the next generation teen super heroes and they have an important earth-saving mission to accomplish that requires them to be stateside for a few weeks. Maybe the world will end if these kids don't make it to Southern California. Maybe God will make a mega earthquake that will rip through the San Andreas fault, killing almost everybody, while simultaneously disturbing a long-forgotten dormant plague that is waiting under the surface of out planet's crust to kill almost everybody else...if these five French kids don't get to come party in Southern California. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG OMG SPOOOOOOOOOKY! Seriously, it could happen. You know it. And I know it.

I sat down and did the math and it appears that you are paying a whopping $7 a day. Awesome! Those $$$ dollar signs that you stuck in the post heading really go a long way in describing the big bucks that someone can make as your babysitter. I am truly surprised that you are having trouble finding hosts that are willing provide round-the-clock food, shelter, utilities, laundry, security, and supervision for a growing, probably ravenous, hormonally-charged teenager...all for seven whole big ones a day! I think that the cost of food alone will probably be more than that, but if you pick me to be host, I am just going to keep tabs on the your little jet setter and cut the kid off after they meet a preset-by-me $5 ration of life sustaining stuff. That way I will make a $2 profit on this international collaboration. I believe that I meet your requirements because I live with several others...18 house cats (all of whom have babysitting experience). I also have a spare air mattress that I can blow up and throw in my hallway for your burgeoning little tourist.

My only caveat is that I am only willing to take on Diana because seriously, water sports are effing disgusting and I am not willing to put up with a teenager that is into that nasty stuff in my own house. So yeah, Felix, Romain, and Louis are out of the question. And frankly, windsurfing is just repulsive and I don't associate with windsurfers. Sorry Jean-Charles!

I have attached my résumé to this email. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours in Mayonnaise and Wine,
Moonbow Rollings

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