The Job Post"Casting for PreNatal Workout Video (Los Angeles)
Date: 2012-05-14, 9:15AM PDT
Location: Los Angeles
Compensation: Pay for rehearsal and on-camera time.
Fitvid Productions LLC is looking for women who in this upcoming month of June will be in their 5th to 8th month of pregnancy ( 2nd to 3rd trimester) to participate in a workout dvd production. Dancers, athletes, personal trainers, fitness models, and women who exercise regularly are especially welcomed. Please, email your full body photo plus a professional resume or typewritten bio/profile to our company at firstname.lastname@example.org. Production is being held in the Los Angeles area the week of June 11th. Non Union. Cast is paid for rehearsal and non-camera time. No nudity. No spoken role. Talent invited to audition must bring documentation of good health and have written physician's clearance. Fitvid Productions LLC. Cal Pozo, Producer/Director."
My Cover Letter
Dear Fitvid Prenatal Video Recruiter,
Okay, so here's the deal. I REALLY want to be in your prenatal workout video, but, at the moment, I'm not preggers. I mean, I love babies, but I don't want to let one live off of my bodily juices until it comes to fruition in my belly like in Alien, but that is another story for another cover letter, lol! Anyway, what I don't have in the way of the almighty baby bump, I definitely make up for with my gut. Call it a faux-fetus, if you will. Perhaps you could say that I am pregnant with chips and pizza. And tacos. Yes, I am pregnant with those items, not a baby. I don't have a "bun in the oven." I have it in my stomach. And it isn't actually a bun, it is a donut. My little immaculate-conception-by-snacks pot belly baby is often mistaken by strangers on the subway that offer me their seats, ask me when I'm due, and congratulate me on my soon-to-be-motherhood. So if my tummy can be mistaken by those seat-hungry folks that just want to rest their feet for a bit, then I am sure it will show up well on camera. Actually, my torso protuberance looks quite pronounced in spandex, which is sure to be a boon for a workout video. I am kinda surprised that you want to make a video considering that nobody uses VCRs anymore, but whatever, I'm just going to assume that you meant DVD. Also, since you don't know how to properly capitalize the letters of "prenatal," I am more than willing to work outside of the workout video starlet job description and help you fix that minor editing problem. I have attached my résumé and photo for your perusal. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours in Sweaty Spandex,