This is what it will look like when you get really drunk on a party bus (photo by rendallren via Flickr).
The Job Posting
"Party Bus Promotional Video (Hollywood)
Date: 2012-05-17, 1:03PM PDT
Location: Hollywood
Compensation: no pay
We need 25 attractive, enthusiastic women to be in our promotional video for our party bus and night club service. You will visit several Hollywood nightclubs while cruising aboard our party bus. You will enjoy the service for free. No compensation for this event.
MUST BE 21 OR OVER (A valid ID will be required the day of the shoot)
Please reply to this posting with a clear photo and which of the following dates you will be available:
Sat, May 19, 9pm -- 2:30am
Fri, May 25, 9pm -- 2:30am
Sat, May 26, 9pm -- 2:30am
Fri, June 1, 9pm -- 2:30am
Sat, June 2, 9pm -- 2:30am"
My Cover Letter
Dear Party Bus,Rollin', rollin', rollin'...keep the party rollin'...keep those hotties movin', rawhideparybus! I want to be in your video. I think your party-bus business model is just so inspiring and intrepid. I would love to be a part of such a venture. What you have created is sort of like Little House on the Prairie, but instead of Michael Landon, you have a BUS! And not just any bus, a PAR-TAAYYYY BUS! You are like contemporary La-La Land pioneers, just a-roamin' and a-ramblin' the wild, trash-cluttered streets of Hollywood in a modern-day covered Conestoga wagon inhabited by a bartender and a DJ. Yee-Haw! I think it would be really awesome to work for you for five-and-a-half hours straight without pay.
There are three qualifications outlined in the job description, and let me tell you mister or missus fancy bus, today is your lucky day, because I meet ALL THREE job qualifications. Yup, that is right! All three. I am attractive, enthusiastic, and over the age of 21. But, wait...there is more! I am not only attractive, but I am 150 pounds of smokin' hot, adipose-blessed pounds that roll over my body when I dance like amber waves of grain, gently swaying in a good old-fashioned Americana, gentle gust of adult-onset acne. I am definitely enthusiastic, but you don't have to take my word for it. Here, let me demonstrate my enthusiasm about your party bus video job. OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMGOMG PICK ME TO BE IN YOUR PARTY BUS VIDEO ENTHUSIASMENTHUSIASM WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOH. YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally, I am well over the age of 21. Not only do I meet your age requirement, but I surpass it by ten years. Impressive, I know. What's that you say? You don't believe that I am a day over 21 because of my fun attitude and youthful looks? Well, you are wrong. I am 31 and I can prove it with valid government-issued photo identification documents.
At this time, I would like to further set myself apart from your other job applicants. I know that the wheels on your bus go round and round the cheesy Hollywood club scene. While certain high-quality individuals might be turned off by this element of So-Cal tackiness, I say, it is okay to be cheesy, because cheesy rhymes with sleazy and sleazy rhymes with hookin' up and everybody and their mama loves hookin' up. Plus, with all of those mobile STD testing vehicles that they have on Santa Monica and Sunset Boulevards now, hookin' up without worry is a breeze! Clearly, I have the right attitude to make your booze-cruise on tires a big success. Together we can redefine and reclaim the term "cheese-bus."
Thank-you so much for your time and consideration. I am most interested in riding the bus on all of the days you have listed, but I am a beacon of flexibility, especially if you put a few liquid ounces of Alize (any variety) in me. Yeah, so like any day that you choose is fine. I have attached my résumé and photo to this email. Please feel free to contact me any time.
Cheers,
Moonbow Rollings
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